Unworthy
by LuckyiLexx
Summary: 300th Review Reward for OliveB for WIP SS/HG-Let The Arrow Fly. Fate, life, and Lily all have forsaken him. He's feeling like he isn't deemed worthy enough in their eyes to be given what others take for granted, and he finds he is suddenly very angry at the unfairness of it all. Cover art by Makani - picture titled "DH Always" on deviantArt, this lovely artwork inspired this scene.


A/N: This is the 300th Review Reward for OliveB for landing the lucky review of my WIP Harry Potter SSHG AU/Drama/Romance titled:

Let the Arrow Fly - Check it out from the link below (remove spaces)

www. fanfiction s/9292283/1/ Let-The-Arrow-Fly

The Prompt:

I would gladly read something little angsty about (old) Severus realizing in his year as a Headmaster that Lily was fickle in their relationship and allowing himself to feel angry and betrayed. Just for a little while. May contain: swearing, crashing glasses or furniture, explicit expressions of bad feelings (because nobody is watching).

This prompt immediately brought to mind a fanart that I had seen and inspired all the feels of this One-Shot:

Check out the amazing piece of art at deviant art (remove spaces!)

makani. deviantart art /DH-Always-61381389

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**Unworthy**

Headmaster Severus Snape apparated back to his tower office at Hogwarts, having just delivered the sword of Gryffindor to the Forest of Dean. He had been forced to stay a while to make sure that Potter followed his Patronus and discovered the sword. What he didn't expect was for Potter to nearly drown in the process, or a young Mr. Weasley to appear to save the day moments before Severus thought he'd have to step in and save the bumbling idiot once again.

_The Chosen One indeed._ He thought mockingly.

He was forever baffled, and admittedly a little afraid, that the fate of the entire wizarding world rested in the hands of such an incompetent little shit. Albus was forever claiming how like his mother Harry was, but Severus had known Lily better than anyone. Harry was nothing like her. Lily was the quintessential incarnation of a goody-two-shoes if there ever was one. She'd been a model student with strict adherence to all of the rules; so determined was she to fit in with the wizarding community and prove that she belonged. Not to mention her brilliant mind and rare talent for magic.

Harry however was just like his father; a determined rule breaker ready to flout any and all authority with complete conviction that the rules never applied to him because of his perfectly unique situation. He could only imagine how much more unbearable that flaw would have been had Harry actually grown up in the wizarding world being told he was the Chosen One and the Boy Who Lived for an additional ten years of his life.

_Thank Merlin for these small mercies! _He thought sarcastically.

And Harry was pathetically dimwitted just like James had been; leaching off his more talented and studious friend Miss Granger like his father and Black had done to Lupin, and in the end of their years at school to Lily as well. Severus was sure that without Miss Granger in his life to do his thinking for him, Harry would never have survived his first year at school.

If there was anyone that was like Lily it would have been Miss Granger.

_No that's not giving the girl enough credit. _A voice inside his corrected him.

He had to agree if he was to believe everything he'd observed of her over the years. She was a much better friend to Harry than Lily had ever been to him. Even though Lily had been his best friend up until their fifth year when he ruined it, having someone like Hermione to compare her to really put in perspective his twenty year old memories of her.

Lily; to whom he'd given his heart and placed all his hope in, couldn't forgive him for a slip of the tongue when beside himself with shame and rage. He'd begged her to forgive him and yet she easily cast off their longtime friendship without a backwards glance. He admitted that he'd struggled with the siren's call of the dark arts but Lily was so quick to abandon him to his mistakes.

_Lily never fought for me; she never really cared for me at all._ He realized.

The realization stabbed at his heart causing him to bleed the twenty years' worth of repressed emotions over his plight.

Whenever he'd become overwhelmed with the curse that was his life, with the tasks he was set to perform; whenever he needed comfort, he always had his memory of Lily. He'd wave his wand with memories of a better time when they were friends, and see the form of her Patronus.

The Doe had become a comfort to him. But now he gritted his teeth and growled in rage as he looked at the doe form once more. He watched it angrily and seethed with rage and jealousy as it pranced around his office. In all his pathetic life, his single happy memory couldn't even hold a candle to the blessed life which that undeserving boy and his worthless father had been granted.

James got to have Lily in the end, all of her. He got her love and her affection while Severus had been cast aside as too broken and damaged to give a care for. And the younger incarnation of every example of how unfair his own life was, had showed him for the last seven years just how little fate cared for him.

He'd watched as Harry took for granted the blessing that was Hermione Granger in his life. As she saved his arse from his many misguided heroic attempts time and time over. She stuck by Harry through thick and thin. The little swot would have bossed Harry right back to the straight and narrow, instead of abandoning him to the dark call if he'd ever lost his way.

Severus watched as even Harry's feckless ginger sidekick, bumble fucked his way through life, then trod on her heart that she'd unbelievably given him. He was enraged to learn earlier that night that he also showed complete indifference to her, had abandoned her in a fit of jealousy to fight the darkest wizard ever known, all alone alongside Harry.

Severus banished his Patronus sick at the sight of it and everything it represented of him and his wasted and hapless life.

He stood from his chair seething with his rage and needing to find something beautiful to destroy. He lashed out at all the curious instruments that Albus had collected and kept as oddities around the office. He cast a quick succession of spells, blasting and slicing angrily at everything.  
He hated this office. He hated that he sat in the place of the man that he'd murdered so that he could keep his cover. That he still waited till the right time to tell the boy that he must die for the wizarding world. He hated that he'd wasted the majority of his life devoted to the memory of the one person he'd ever cared for, that none of his efforts even mattered in the end. The boy would still die. For seventeen years he'd defined his life around keeping that boy alive. All for her.

He hated that he'd transformed his anguish of her loss to do anything to protect her son, the spawn of the man he hated. And then to top it all off he was forced to watch the boy receive a better version of the person he'd done anything to have, and the boy took it all for granted.

Snape flipped the heavy desk in front of him the weight of it not even registering in his mind as his uncontrolled magic lashed out and helped him to achieve his task; sending the stacks of papers and other ornaments that decorated its surface flying in his outburst of uncontrolled rage.

"WHY?" Severus bellowed.

Then he slumped against the side of the overturned desk and hung his head into his hands, defeated by the hopelessness of his future. He just wished it would all end. He didn't think he could continue to bear how cruelly unfair fate had been to him any longer.


End file.
